I ate salmon salad twice today, a glass of lemon juice and a lot of water, bagel and cheese toast brought by Joshua, and chocolate ice-cream. Still, feeling empty. I lost my soul, passion and my mind. I draw because of final submission is approaching, not because of my dream. Not that I don't like drawing, I like it as in, my hobby. I don't know since when I depends my life on inspiration and being slumber. I don't know since when I can only draw in the morning and sketch when I'm inspired. I don't know since the hell when I am being so not commercial design student anymore! I hate the fact that I can't design at anytime anywhere which is so stupid and not professional. I am falling behind, in every way, everything. Which annoy the hell outta me all the time, all the time. This life journey getting tough, this pathway getting harder to achieve. I am almost there to complete my education, and depending on what I had learnt and gained for the rest of my life. Also, that two pieces of certificate I got, that my dad invested. I can't see how far I can go with this, I can't make the calculation of how much money I can make in the future, one thing is I don't want to disappoint my family. They have put the biggest hope on me and being supportive all the time, that contains so much love in it. There is no reason for me to not give them the best of me. So much plan I've planned and it doesn't seems like a good plan right now. As in, I think, I need to look at the bigger picture. So much frustrations, stress and struggles that I gone through (that can be as thick as a dictionary), until today, I'm facing the same thing, it's just that not that often. I shall be no problem and easily can make a design at this stage, no? I don't understand why the hell I can struggling with concept for three weeks? What I've been doing? GODDDDD! THIS IS NO GOOD!
At one time, I think I should go home, sit down, and start thinking and brainstorming what I should really do. I don't mind how hard and tough the process is, I just want it to be conclude before I start my master study. That at least I know something is going on, rather than being empty and start thinking and get lost. After these, I will start working and making my own brand. I don't know that how would my brand be when come to production but I want to try, because at least "I tried". Right?! So, that's the plan for summer break back to Malaysia. (I once thought to stay here and work, but nahhhhhh! To save the high expenses spending over here is better I get my ass back)
I shall say, traveling is the best way to cure my unique-sickness that being random, slumber, lazy, un-inspired and being worst. So, we on the travel plan! I don't know where but I would off to somewhere after my degree final exhibition. Not much in my list, not much money I left at the same time D: And, hopefully to Singapore or Bangkok or China when I'm back home. I just want to stick to my parents when traveling. Because they are awesome like me! HAHAH!
At the moment, finish my final major project and one minor project, do my best on assessment week, good presentation and be awesome on my exhibition! The rest, we do it later!
Cheers,
Melissa Tan
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