RSA got printed this afternoon, the one I've been struggling so much throughout the whole term. One last presentation before christmas break, so much I got from term one. I got loads to bear in my mind, whole loads of priceless lesson and experience. Restoring my faith, soul and energy before we move on to term two, because everything is so tough for me right here. No one is with me, no one is here with me, all thing on my own. I hope I don't fall that hard someday. I've been doing good, other than negative thoughts flooding in my mind, everything is good. Why I have so much negative thoughts? No matter in what, I make myself think in two ways and that is so much torturing. Which I make all these happens, screw me! Truly happiness never come to me, since very long time ago. I don't feel the innocent happiness that I used to felt anymore, everything got so complicated. I have so much to think and to bear with. Somehow, I wish to go back home and being a little girl. I hate all these realistic I'm facing right now! I hate how I feel everyday! I don't know how happiness feels like anymore. I don't know how it feels like hanging out with some friends that we can really talk. Afraid of feeling lost. I want to change, but I'm afraid of changing, and I make my own life. I sounds sissy. I don't reveal myself, because all the insecurities that I can't take it I knew.
You know, I don't trust since I don't even know when. I don't help if you never ask. Turning into a selfish bitch seriously. I always have this thoughts, what make you think that you're worth for me to trust and help if you never give me the same? Just trash. #bitchslapmeforsayingthetruthsomeoneplease
Don't talk like you know my life when you don't even know at all, at all.
Lots of loves,
Melissa Tan
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